I’ve never talked to a girl as much on the phone.
She calls at the most random moments.
When she’s bored mostly, though I don’t mind.
While driving I hear her cursing out a bitch that cut her off.
While at the mall I hear her chatting up a sales associate about how nice her earrings are.
While at the grocery store she’s asking me if she wants pork chops or steaks for dinner.
I tell her that she wants steak and as usual she goes for the opposite.
I ask what’s the point of asking me anyways.
She says “iono, just to get a second opinion”.
She tells me about her boyfriend and where he took her the night before and how much fun she had.
I say “that’s nice” and swiftly changes the subject.”
I think she notices but doesn’t say anything about it.
Our conversations are echos of the past because she repeats everything for the 1000th time.
I try to sync up to her words reminding her that we’ve had this conversation before.
She laughs and calls herself crazy.
She laughs and calls me a jackass.
Her echos continues when she tells me that she doesn’t know what she’ll do without a friend like me.
I tell her to shut up and that she’d be just fine without me.
She says “no I’d be in a shitty place without you”.
I say, “yeah, whatever, you’d be fine”
We curse each other out then we hang up.
Until tomorrow when it happens all over again.
I’ve come to the realization that whenever you talk about liking someone, having feelings, or missing someone, that person will never be me.
I woke up from a dream about you. We…were together. Ironic because we’ve never actually met. It felt so incredibly real. Everything felt so real. You felt real. I see, that I need you. Somehow, someway…I need YOU. Though I fear that I won’t ever get my way. Most likely, we will never meet. This saddens me.
It’s sad how I have to restrain myself from writing you a letter. There would be no rhyme or reason behind it. I would only give further details to certain feelings I have that I’ve already made or have tried to make clear already. So instead I write this. With no rhyme or reason. Yeah, I just woke up.
Finding it increasingly difficult to care about anything or anyone right now. As far as I’m concerned at this very moment I’m the last person on earth with no problem to worry about. That’s all for now.
The pain, the heartache, the anguish of having a strong desire to be with that one person, no one else but that one person that will never feel the same way about you that you feel about them. Time and distance are all fighting against you but the killer that puts the nail in the coffin is their unwant of you. The pain. The ache.
I think this whole experience has been a sort of experiment. Yeah, that’s what it was. An experiment done on me by the powers that be. You see, they saw me how I was. Then they said, “Let’s throw this in and see how he’ll react”. So, they did and they see how happy I was. I was smiling, enjoying life and such. Then, they said, “okay, now let’s see if he’ll go back to how he was or be worse if we just take it all away at once”. So they did. And now look at me. Shit, that’s what I am now. opiiajfoijwaoifjlawkjfoawjfeoiwjfpwaeiofjwaoiefj.
So…I don’t know if I’ve ever felt as alone and as miserable as I do now. Not sure where this feeling came from but, I don’t know. I feel like shit right now.
That’s has to be one of THE stupidest thing’s I could’ve asked her. Why did I ask her that? Why did press the send button? I’m such a dumb ass. Fucking hell, that was stupid. Smh…fuck.